On their own, breaking up and moving are both ranked on the list of life’s top stressors. Together, especially without proper planning, they add up to a special kind of terrible.
While it will likely take more time to move on versus move out, this detailed moving checklist will at least help you with all of life’s annoying details while you’re trying to focus on a divorce, separation, or just a plain, old-fashioned break-up.
Moving Checklist: How to Move Out After a Break-Up
Step 1: Assess Your Separation, Then Make a Plan
The fact that you’re even reading a moving checklist means it’s likely you’ve already decided to separate — and you’re the one moving out.
But before you pick up the moving boxes,it helps to think through some details. If you’re in the tough situation of having to move after a break-up, most people’s situations fall into one of these categories:
Get out quickly
Unless your ex is particularly understanding or has tons of space, you’ll likely need a quick place to store your stuff while you figure things out. And sometimes, you need to get out fast.
You may find it best to use a spare room or couch at a friend or family member’s house while you get your bearings, save up some cash, and come up with your actual plan.
Temporary new place
If you need a new home, but the market is a little crazy in your area, you probably need some time to shop around for your next home. And that’s especially the case if you’re planning on buying. You should consider:
- A short-term rental (think AirBnb or Vrbo)
- Month-to-month or 3-6 month apartment lease
- Extended-stay hotel
A temporary home is also a great option when you have kids and don’t want to pull them out of school in the middle of the year, or if you’re waiting to move long-distance and want to line up a job first. You may or may not need to store your stuff in this situation, depending on the size of your temporary pad.
Big change
Separation, breakups, and divorces often get people wanting to move to places like the mountains, oceanside, or anywhere else that’s a big change from where they currently live. Or, they’d rather move nearer to a support network instead of running into their ex at the grocery store.
“After you’ve moved, you may realize that you left behind your favorite coffee mug or that you didn’t get reimbursed for half of the last utility bill. If it’s not a make-or-break situation, let bygones be bygones.”
If this is your situation, this plan generally involves a long-distance move and/or storage, whether it’s to another city in your state, across the country, or across the world. Since it can take longer to realistically coordinate a relocation like this, it may be worth it to opt for staying with family, friends, or getting a temporary home, as listed above, so you have a little more time to plan.
Take your time
It could be that your current situation isn’t bad, but the housing market is.
Sometimes you get lucky, and you can keep things civil long enough to choose your ideal next home, sort through your things, and make a direct point-A-to-point-B move without having to put anything in storage. If so, make a plan that takes advantage of this time.
Extra Special Considerations for a Break-up Move
During a breakup, divorce, or separation, it’s not always just you and your ex that are involved. Here’s what to do with and how to take care of others who might be affected by the change.
Kids
The goal when you’re divorcing or breaking up with kids is to keep their lives as stable as possible. If you’re arguing a lot with your ex, it may be best to move out yourself first to save your kiddos stress. You may also want to take some extra time to find an ideal kid-friendly setup or a place that’s near their school.
Of course, if there’s domestic violence or a threat of abuse, it’s best to remove yourself and your children as soon as you can. Lean on friends and family for support, and gain legal representation as soon as possible.
Pets
Before you discuss splitting up your pets with your ex, take some time to reflect on whether you can truly offer your pet a fulfilling life when you’re on your own. Any decision you make should be in your pet’s best interest. Couples can work out a joint-custody agreement successfully, too. You may also opt to leave your pet at home with your ex until you can snag an animal-friendly setup.
Step 2: Match Your Plan to Its Best Moving Option
After you know where and when you’re going next, it’s time to figure out how.
You may have a good budget, or your breakup has taken a lot of your savings. You might be able to handle the heavy lifting of a move easily, or you’re definitely going to need someone to help you carry boxes. Ultimately, every moving scenario is fairly different, including yours. Fortunately, there’s a moving option for whatever your budget and energy levels are.
DIY move
- What it is: You’re taking the move into your own hands, from packing to unloading. This option involves renting a truck or borrowing one from a friend.
- What it’s best for: If you’re on a budget, want to handle the move yourself, or need to move out quickly. — We have a checklist for that too!
- Insider tips: Moving is a lot of work, even under the best circumstances. This is the time to reach out to friends and family. Ask them if you can borrow their truck, if they can watch the kids on moving day, or help with moving the heavy stuff.
Labor-only + truck rental
- What it is: A hybrid between a DIY move and hiring full-service help, this solution involves renting and driving the truck yourself but hiring professionals for loading and unloading.
- Who it’s best for: Movers by the hour are great if you aren’t up for heavy lifting or could use a helping hand with disassembling and reassembling furniture. Make sure to check mover marketplaces with transparent reviews.
- Insider tips: This option is still great for those who want to move out quickly, but it might not be as nimble as a full-on DIY move. And don’t feel pressured to go with the fastest or cheapest option just because you’re eager to get away from your ex! Ignoring red flags isn’t great in a relationship, and it’s not great for picking moving assistance either.
Portable storage moving service
- What it is: This is when a moving company delivers one or more portable storage containers to your driveway, you load your things into the container, then the company picks up the container and delivers it to either your new home or a storage facility.
- Who it’s best for: Typically, portable storage companies like PODS or 1-800-PACK-RAT are flexible with timelines, which lets you load at your own pace. This is helpful for couples who are on decent terms and want to take some time to sort through logistics and their possessions. It’s also great for those making a big change via a long-distance move, as you don’t have to worry about driving, or necessarily even coordinating when you’ll arrive. And if you need storage because you’re in between homes, there’s no better option.
- Insider tips: If you’re unsure where you’ll be living long-term, get two containers! One can be loaded with the essentials and delivered to a family member’s home or a short-term rental. The other can be kept in storage until you close on a new house or find a more permanent living solution. If you need help with the heavy lifting, portable containers pair super well with hourly packing and loading assistance.
Full-service move
- What it is: This is comprehensive professional help moving from start to finish. We’re talking packing, unpacking, loading, unloading — everything! You won’t have to lift a finger, except to enter your credit card information. On that note, keep in mind that this option is usually the priciest.
- Who it’s best for: If you’re short on time or you’re dreading having to deal with the move logistics yourself, this option offers the best support. It’s also a great fit for people who have a lot of stuff or just want the peace of mind that comes with a full-service provider.
- Insider tips: While this option can be the most convenient, it often takes the longest, as you’ll be moving on the company’s schedule, not your own. You may want to stay with a friend until moving day, especially if you’re planning on moving long-distance or during the busy summertime months. Given the circumstances, you might be tempted to book the first mover you talk to, but make sure to do your due diligence when picking out a company.
Packing after a break-up
Depending on how long you and your partner have lived together, packing after a break-up can be a challenge. Taking a systematic approach while packing can ensure you leave with all your belongings and as little pushback as possible. To stay organized and minimize stress, keep these steps in mind:
- Pack up the essentials that belong only to you: Start with clothes, toiletries, important documents, and prescription medications. Then gather personal items with financial or sentimental value, such as family heirlooms or anything you owned before moving in with your partner. As you pack, set aside valuables and irreplaceable items in a locked box or safe so they don’t get lost in the shuffle.
- Separate shared belongings thoughtfully: Go through everything from furniture and electronics to dishes and cookware. Decide what clearly belongs to you, what should stay with your ex-partner, and what items you’ll need to figure out together.
- Label everything as you go: Designate an “essentials” box with items you’ll need right away — a change of clothes, chargers, toiletries, and comfort items. Mark the rest of your boxes by room or category to make the transition into your new space as smooth as possible.
- Declutter and let go: Treat this as an opportunity to leave behind items that don’t serve you. Think of it as starting fresh as you step into a new chapter.
- Keep emotions in check during packing: Since this process can bring up strong feelings, try to schedule your packing sessions when your ex isn’t around. If you can, ask a trusted friend or family member to help. They can provide clarity and perspective while keeping you focused and on task.
Step 3: Take Care Of Yourself Throughout the Moving Process
Before you start throwing your things into boxes, take a step back to get some operational things in place. It may take a little more work on the front end, but it’ll make the transition to your new place a lot easier.
- You don’t have to take everything with you: If you don’t have it, you don’t have to pack it. If you want to cut your moving costs or move out in record time, clean out that closet, donate your things to a local charity, or, if you have time, host a garage sale — just don’t sell your ex’s stuff without permission.
- Save sentimentals for dead last: This is good advice for any move, but it goes double during a break-up. For a number of reasons, separate sentimental stuff into a box or room and deal with it last.
- Don’t get petty: Trust me, it’s best to take the high road. No arguing over knick-knacks! It’s not worth it.
- Get ahead of having to pick up your mail: It can be easy in our digital age to forget about this step, but it’s better to take care of it now to avoid having to pick up your mail from your ex’s place after you move out.
- Outsource the work: If you’re short on time, hiring professional movers is a good way to get everything done quickly. There’s a reason they’re the pros, and that’s because they can efficiently and expertly deal with all the loading, unloading, and even driving if you need them to. It saves you a lot of time and effort, which is extremely valuable when you’re already busy and stressed.
- Stock up on supplies: Proper moving supplies can make all the difference between having your stuff arrive intact or in pieces. Forgo throwing things into a garbage bag and instead, get some quality moving supplies, like boxes, packing tape, markers, and bubble wrap. If you’re on a tight budget, here are some tips for getting free boxes.
Step 4: On to Bigger and Better Things
Just because your move is behind you doesn’t mean your ex is. Here are some tips for moving on after moving out:
- Meet people near where you’re going: Get back into the social scene by starting close to home. This may be especially helpful if you’re not used to being alone, as you may be able to lean on your new neighbors for support with childcare or even handyman tasks if that’s not your thing.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff with your ex: After you’ve moved, you may realize that you left behind your favorite coffee mug or that you didn’t get reimbursed for half of the last utility bill. If it’s not a make-or-break situation, let bygones be bygones.
- Prioritize decorating your new space: Nothing spells a fresh start like a new place does. Put extra energy into picking out curtains, new furniture, and art for the new pad.
- Find a new routine: This is especially true if you have kiddos or pets. Create a sense of normalcy by establishing a new pattern. Just for funsies, throw in some things you wouldn’t have been able to enjoy when you were attached — cook with gluten, watch your guilty-pleasure Netflix show, or heck, let the dog sleep in bed with you.